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I love my child... but!

Posted in Parenting, Motherhood on Tue Jun 11 2019

I love my child…but!

Let me start this post by saying I love my daughter to death. Seriously, she is quite possibly the most amazing human being in the world. The reason I have woke up daily, and nightly, for the past two years. I laugh at least once every day and always get the biggest cuddles in the morning. I love her with an intensity that is unprecedented; however, I don’t always like her!  That’s right, I’ll say it – sometimes my child is a bit of a dick.

Night time
Like most parents, I read the books and articles about getting your baby to sleep through the night. I was going to be able to put my daughter to sleep at 7.30pm each night and wake up fully rested to start again in the morning…
Except the books didn’t explain what to do if your child transformed into a crying, screaming, snotty demon child who is physically repelled by her bed. I have had the same routine for at least a year and it all goes well until I say the dreaded B word. Bedtime. Then the screaming starts.

Temper tantrums
The will power my child possess will either make her prime minister one day – or the leader of a prison gang. When she wants something, she will go to extreme measures to get it, such as thrashing about like a child possessed and screaming. It’s hardly ever done in the privacy of my home – unless its night time of course – oh no! My child likes an audience when she hits the floor and leaves me standing in the middle of the store hoping the ground will open up and swallow me whole. They don’t have to necessarily be for legitimate reasons either. The other day she had a melt down because I walked the wrong way over a bridge. I wrongfully thought I would walk the same way I have for 30 years but, apparently, I was meant to walk sideways! My bad!

Eating out
I’m quite lucky that my daughter is very good at meal times. She sits in her chair and eats her dinner while telling me all about her day – or at least her version of her day. Yet apparently, when we go to any kind of restaurant or establishment, the table etiquette is forgotten. She will fidget, try to climb out and misbehave until I am so stressed that I will get home as quickly as I can and pour the biggest glass of wine before bed – and I haven’t drunk since I was 18.

Nappy change
I think my toddler and I have a communication breakdown. When I say “nappy change”, she hears “let’s wrestle”. The next ten minutes – a whole ten minutes – involves her fidgeting and screaming to get away from me while I try to pin her down and clean her. If she had her way, she would be sitting in her own mess until the nappy got up and walked out of its own accord.

I was one of these naïve people who believed life would be blissful after children and felt extreme mum guilt whenever my day didn’t go to plan. It is not all unicorns and rainbows – in fact it’s more like unrelenting Peppa Pig, tantrums and gross fluids coming out of all areas. Yet I wouldn’t change it for the world (mostly), especially as I watch her sleeping!